When I saw that positive test result….

9 years ago today, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. The first feeling that appeared after I saw this positive pregnancy test result was: nausea, and no, not because of hormones yet- it was too early for the hormonal revolution, it was fear. Yes, I felt excitement too, and joy, but most of all fear. I had no idea what I was getting into.

I wanted a child and my husband was dreaming about a child, and now we were about to have a child.

Very quickly I had to become a grown up (I was 28 years old- I should have been a grown up already and for a while!) but being a young professional, in love and in a foreign, romantic city with mostly single friends, it was far away from a life I was about to dive into. On top of that, the only baby/delivery stories I heard were either from my mum, who had one of the most traumatic experiences I had ever heard off; even now after 8 years working with mums and babies, or movies- not a very good start.

I am sure you understand where the fear was coming from.

I had to grow up, prepare myself for being a mum, prepare my body, and think about what I was eating, am I getting enough of fresh air and movement?.  Clean my mind from garbage thoughts and fears. But most of all, I had to have a different experience then my mum!

My search for changing my destiny (as I thought back then) began.
I have always been a fighter, but it was not looking easy, even my periods had been unbearably painful, so how could I deal with giving birth?

I decided that I have to get back to my yoga practise immediately and possibly do the Pregnancy Yoga Teacher training ( which I started few months later), I wanted to have all the information my teachers had!

I did research- I asked all the pregnant mammas I knew all about where they did their Pregnancy Yoga classes and I chose two. A Pregnancy Yoga class in a holistic studio and one in the hospital, taught by a hypnobirthing instructor and midwife. I got few birthing books, Hypnobirthing, Orgasmic birth, Natural Pregnancy and Active Birth and definitely the last one was the most convincing. I dove into them and there was no turning back. The idea that I could have a positive birth clicked :)

I knew already that my baby was watching my every move and experiencing my every emotion. It was my chance to show this little being that this world is beautiful, not scary.

To show him how to appreciate and love nature,  good music and being physically active, but most of all to show my baby contentment and joy of life.
To show him the joy that comes from waking up early, making breakfast together with his daddy, talking to people, smiling, hugging.

I knew that from now on its time to start choosing thoughts!

I couldn’t show the chaos of my busy and tired mind to my baby…, I wanted to show him, calm, focused mum with mind at ease. It was a massive challenge, to move from very active, ambitious, and I have to admit a bit reckless life to observing thoughts and aware being. But the protective motherly instinct gave me strength and persistence, and the whole process of changing my life made me happy. Now I had a plan and additional purpose to take care of myself well :) Every time I went for a class, every time a feeling of contentment of life woke up in me or after  a very long walk – I felt good and proud of myself and it encouraged me even more.Those glorious 8 months of my pregnancy were a true transformation. Later on working with mums I discovered that every mamma goes through a change. Some more vivid, some subtle, but it’s always a very positive revolution, no matter if you want it or not.
The questions like: what is important in life?- will appear almost immediately.)
And a journey of challenging yourself starts, and never finishes  :)I am one of those people who is so grateful for having kids, I am so grateful they chose me :) They made me a better person, and because ofthat I celebrate them every day. 

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